It’s common to find yourself immersed in people’s drama and negativity. Even if you try to avoid involvement, you might feel energetically or emotionally pulled into deep water by what’s going on in others’ lives.
However, that doesn’t have to be the case.
There are two simple ways to avoid the impact of people’s emotional state, attempts to draw you into their circumstances, verbal storms, and energetic drains. Let’s explore both.
1. Observe, Don’t Absorb.
I recently heard one of my friends use this phrase: Observe, don’t absorb.
I did a little research to find the origin of this wisdom. Ross Rosenberg developed a technique called “Observe, Don’t Absorb” that came out of years of trying to understand his relationships with narcissists and working with clients.
When you simply observe someone’s drama and negativity, you don’t absorb it. Sounds difficult, right?
Observing someone’s condition or state is simpler than you think. Here are a few steps you can follow.
First, watch the person.
Make this an observation exercise. Notice how they behave, what they say, their emotion, their facial expression, etc. Pay attention to the stories they tell, their desire to blame, and their attempts to draw you in.
When you become the observer—rather than a participant—you emotionally and physically disconnect from the other person. That removes you from what is happening with them and places distance between you and them (and how they are handling their situation).
Second, resist judging the person’s behavior, words, situation, or emotions.
Consider yourself a journalist there to impartially collect facts. Don’t interpret or form opinions about what is happening with the other person. Just take mental notes. Remain neutral.
The late Stuart Wilde used to observe world events, including airplane crashes and natural disasters, people’s circumstances, and say, “Interesting evolutionary experience.” He had no judgment about what had happened or was happening—it was neither good nor bad, right or wrong. Wilde simply observed without attachment and didn’t get emotionally involved in that event or the people impacted by it. He just watched unemotionally.
Third, don’t take on their emotions.
Find ways to mentally or psychically protect yourself. This is especially true if you are an empath and feel what those around you feel.
When you remain conscious of what is going on around you, you can step back and intentionally block the energy and emotion coming at you. You can deliberately stop yourself from absorbing people’s emotional states.
If you have already absorbed their emotional state, walk away. Then, do something to cleanse your energy, such as grounding, smudging with sage, or visualizing yourself cleansed of their emotions and protected by a shield from further absorption.
You can find information and videos on how to cleanse your energy and aura and create a protective psychic shield or bubble. Just do a search on Google.
2. Don’t step into the river if you don’t want to get wet.
I first heard this adage from Jim Fortin. However, it strikes me as strikingly similar to a quote attributed to George Bernard Shaw, who said, “Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” (Rosenberg shared that “his “Observe, Don’t Absorb” technique was influenced by Shaw’s words.)
Avoiding getting wet is also simpler than you might believe.
First, choose not to dive into the river with people immersed in negativity and drama.
If you do, you are bound to get wet and swept downstream with them.
Instead, walk away. Or step back.
You can observe, listen, and be supportive without stepping off the river bank. Accomplish this by not agreeing with the person, offering solutions or perspectives, and generally not engaging with them.
Second, don’t offer help or advice.
Don’t provide solicited or unsolicited advice. Don’t offer to take some sort of action to help. And do not commiserate with them or in any way support the person’s point of view, behavior, or emotional state.
While they may see your unwillingness to help as selfish, lacking compassion, or uncaring, know that your approach is about self-preservation. You don’t want to drown with them.
In fact, you can’t help if you are being swept along by the current they’ve created. You have to be standing on firm ground to do that.
Realize that dramatic and negative people usually enjoy getting people wet and dirty with them. They want others to agree with them and get on board emotionally.
However, that just helps them remain in their drama and negativity. It also increases their conviction that they are justified to feel and act as they do.
So, getting wet with them won’t help them (or you) dry off, find a new perspective, and create a better circumstance.
Third, don’t accept invitations to help unless you can stay dry.
This step can be difficult when the person is going downstream fast. So, you must let them rant and rave, feel their emotions, and then, after looking like they will surely drown, come up for air.
When the person is tired of the drama, emotions, negativity, and verbal outbursts, let them take a few breaths. Then, ask if they are ready to approach their circumstances or experiences with a new perspective. If they are calm and able to hear and listen to you, it’s possible to support them with a conversation about other ways to see and respond to their situation. You might also be able to encourage them to find solutions or opportunities.
Avoid Drama and Negativity
Avoiding drama and negativity takes practice. Notice when you are willing to dive into the water. Note the situation, and then decide not to do that next time.
Pay attention to the people in your life and how often they try to drag you into their river of drama and negativity. If possible, remove the people who do so frequently from your life. Or find ways to opt out of being pulled into the water with them.
Do these things, and you will stay dry. You’ll finally avoid the impact of people’s recurring drama and negativity.
Do you often get sucked into other people’s drama and negativity? Tell me in a comment below, and share this post with someone who might benefit from reading it.
Image courtesy of rdonar.
