A strange thing happens to me when my life feels out of control in any way. I start cleaning.
I don’t mean just dusting and vacuuming. I don’t do that much of that. (I admit that the one splurge I allow myself in my life is a person who actually cleans the house every two weeks.) I mean actual purging of all the crap that accumulates in a house when you are a pack rat like me (and like my kids).
I knew my 18-year-old son would be leaving for Germany at the beginning of this month. That fact upset me and felt out of my control. I am happy for him and proud of him; he has landed a job dancing with a major ballet company in Europe. I would never stop him from going, but his decision was not for me to make.
Also, my husband works for a start up. There’s talk of merging, selling…going out of business ( more so than usual). We could use to scale back now that we are empty nesters, and we’ve been talking about moving closer to our kids (Go West, old folks…).
So, I’ve been cleaning out files and drawers and even books (if you can believe that. I made my kids clean out all the old clothes, garbage, games, books, backpacks, etc., from their rooms. I wish I could spend all day just going through every room and closet and getting rid of stuff.
Maybe there is something wrong with me. However, when things feel out of control, a clean uncluttered space makes me feel more in control and more able to focus.
I used to be religious about cleaning before Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath, on Friday. I still have that same cleaning lady show up on Friday–not on any other day. I can’t relax if my home is a mess. It’s not a sacred space if it’s dirty. I can’t feel spiritual if I’m staring at a huge disaster area and worry about how I’ll find time to get it cleaned up.
Order. It helps me feel like I’ve taken back just a bit of control.
How do you try to take control of your life when it feels out of control…or do you?
Photo courtesy of m_bartosch
So interesting, Nina. I can relate to your notion that cleaning helps one to take control of one’s life. I wrote about this very topic just recently here: http://socciwriter.blogspot.com/2012/06/just-hit-delete.html
Obviously, I feel the same. It is hard for me to concentrate on my work knowing that there is clutter all around me. As much as I clean and vacuum, there are many times when I just can’t do it. I have two little girls who make messes constantly. I am a mother first, a writer last. I do the best I can do.
I am PRECISELY the same! For me, it’s a constant thing. I tidy, tidy, tidy, and it makes me feel in control. Indeed, I can remember that when I converted to Judaism, I loved the idea of preparing the house for shabbos — so consider me your “amen.”
Sorry not to have responded to your very kind email — I’ve been rather overwhelmed by trying to build the blog, work actively in Twitter, AND getting both the ebook and paperback up on Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008TUDBE0) for THE RABBI’S MOTHER. All this techie stuff is very challenging for me — fingers crossed that the darn paperback shows up any day now. I’m so exhausted that I can’t even imagine figuring out how to write CreateSpace and query why it hasn’t!
I think it’s wonderful that you have a dancing son! Dance is probably one of my most heartfelt passions, next to books & reading. You know you’re right to let him go — just keep cleaning —
I’m so enjoying your blog. Thank you!
Jody
Thanks for your comment, Jody! I can’t say my office is clean (yet). Having trouble finding anything there. :~( Kids’ rooms are getting there. Something morbidly odd about my need to clean them out when they leave. Although this time I really do have good reason. My son’s room smells much better without all the old back packs and dance bags! Good luck with your book!
It’s really hard to concentrate on your work when your workplace is in chaos! I used to clean up everything first before doing anything else important so that I can focus well. I like your blog, Nina.