I’ve spent the past few weeks in a whirlwind and turmoil of activities and issues with my kids–primarily with one of them. I’ve done all the things a parent should and can do, sometimes receiving gratitude and love in return and sometimes receiving anger and requests to simply bud out totally. Parenting is a tough job.
However, their comes a time when you must step back and look at your children and ask yourself if they are ready…ready to fly on their own. Now, you may not really think they are ready, but in your heart you know you must let them.
My daughter…well…I know she is ready. She’s been ready. Yeah, she still asks for advice. And she takes it pretty well when I offer it. Sometimes she runs into problems, she doesn’t handle things well, but she knows it, learns from her mistakes, fixes them, and goes on.
My son, he’s had some learning disabilities that went undiagnosed and that caused me to be…well…let’s say more hands on with my parenting. But he’s at a cross roads now, and he really needs and wants to stand on his own two feet and make his own decisions…and take off. Whether I agree or not doesn’t matter. He really does need to fly solo. And he’s heading into a professional career at an early age, so he really wants to fly…and high.
I don’t believe parenting is about making our children dependent upon us. I believe it’s about creating independent individuals–even at a very young age. I always expected my kids to be able to entertain themselves, find solutions, handle their stuff, not expect me to be with them 24-7, deal with the bumps and bruises that came with life. In Judaism, we talk about the wisdom of a scraped knee…no reason to always run and wipe every tear; let them learn that it’s not so bad, and they can deal, they can get up and go on, learn and grow. They don’t need mama for everything.
But it’s hard not to run when they fall down, to save them when they need saving, to fix things for them, handle stuff when they don’t, especially in a crisis. But there comes a time…
So, today, on Mother’s Day, I’m relinquishing some of my mothering duties. Not all, because no mother ever gives up being a parent, and each kid is different–different age, different needs. But I can allow my children to become adults to the extent that they can or want to. I can step back and watch them spread their wings, flutter them around, and see if they take off and fly. I’ve surely taught them how. I’ve even pushed them out of the nest (gently, but pushed). Yes, indeed, I have.
And you know what? Letting my children fly gives me the freedom to do the same. Because when our children fly, we are released from some of our parenting duties and we can turn to some of the other things we care about passionately. We can flutter our wings and decide in what other directions we might like to fly.
On this Mother’s Day, I give myself permission to fly, too. How about you?
