Ah…the shofar on Rosh Hashanah. It’s a lovely sound when well blown. It’s a call to action, a call to prayer, a call to attention, a call to go inward, a call to return – to God, to religious observance, to community, to self. And it’s a mitzvah, a commandment, to hear it blown on the the Jewish New Year.
And when that shofar is blown by your own son…well, what can I say? This is the third year in a row that my son has been the ba’al tekiah, or person who blows the shofar, or ram’s horn, for our Jewish renewal community. Two years ago and this year again he actually blew the shofar alone for the shofar service. (Last year it was done as a call and response.) Last night he also blew the shofar during the rabbi’s sermon to illustrate a story and a few points. Well, a mother couldn’t be more proud. I couldn’t be happier for him, either, since this is a role he has always wanted to play within the Jewish community.
And then when services were over, my heart began to ache for him. He suffered the same fate of so many Jewish kids: He discovered that because he had been in Rosh Hashanah services rather than somewhere else, he had suffered some negative consequences. He’d missed out on something that the other kids – the non-Jewish kids – had not had to miss out on. Specifically, because he wasn’t at dance class on Monday night, he wasn’t selected to dance in specific choreography. Not being able to audition possibly caused this to happen. And he was very upset.
His great honor and pleasure at being the ba’al tekiah was overshadowed by his great loss and disappointment. And his huge Jewish soul was put in jeopardy as his mind and heart lashed out calling the holiday stupid…something I know he doesn’t really believe.
Oh, how I remember feeling that way as a child. Oh, how I hated missing school and other activities because of the High Holy Days – and I never had as strong a Jewish soul or identity then as does he at the young age of 14. But I never missed out on anything as important.
This is not how we wanted to start the New Year. Joy turned to sadness and anger. And now, to use the energy of the next ten days, we must find a way to turn this into something positive.
But tonight, my heart aches for him. And the little girl within me, my Inner Child, she cries with him. She understands completely.
