I feel my life swirling somewhat out of control. Sometimes out of control seems like a good thing, like when you can let go and enjoy a water slide, experiencing the speed and the excitement of simply seeing where you end up. Other times it’s a scary thing, like driving down a mountain with no breaks or no way to steer the car. I seem to have a bit of both going on in my life. In once case, we give up our need to control the situation and in the other we fight for a way to regain it.
The scary part comes with overwhelm, a sense that I can’t regain control of the amount of events and situations that “take over” my life or the speed at which I must move through my days and weeks. The exhilarating part comes with the sense that God’s hand is directing me, pushing me-shoving me, forward faster and faster so the force of my forward movement will be too hard to stop. This will ensure that I arrive at my destination.
What is that destination? The fulfillment of my soul’s purpose.
Yet, every day I struggle with all the little things I’m doing or have to do that pull me away from the bigger things I feel I need to do to fulfill my purpose. They take up my time and energy and focus.
I was telling a friend about this when he said something interesting. He said, “You sound as if you think you have failed, because you have yet to achieve your largest goals. Do you think that the only way to fulfill your purpose is with the larger accomplishments?”
I thought about his question. “No,” I responded. I can see that I fulfill my purpose in lots of little, even some big, ways.”
But until that moment, I had not looked at it that way. I had been focused on the end result rather than on all the little steps along the way, those things that are making me move faster and faster down the path to my end destination.
Now I see, though, that the more speed I pick up the faster I get where I am going. I need to both enjoy the ride and learn to control the speed and direction even when it seems I have no brakes or steering wheel. To do this, I need only focus on where I want to end up; this controls my direction and movement. And I need only take a deep breath to slow down a bit, or simply take time for God to have Divine breaks applied and my forward movement slow a bit. (Isn’t that why we have the Sabbath-to find sacred time away from the rush forward every day?) And with that sort of focus, I can actually reaffirm my purpose and get more Divine support for my journey.
Now, if I can just remember this as I step back onto the water slide, back into the car, back into the every-faster, ever-stronger energy carrying me forward…
