I have been thinking about what is the best way to help those we love. If you’ve ever struggled to reach someone that’s close to you, who doesn’t seem to want your help and they’re stuck, you can really feel like you’re between a rock and a hard place. You can see that they’re struggling and you want to help them, but they’re not always receptive to your help. Do you know what I mean? Also, sometimes they just get so closed down and they can’t hear, they can’t see, they can’t listen and they get negative and depressed, and down on themselves. They just don’t see solutions. From the outside, it could be much easier to see the solutions. But they don’t always want our advice, they don’t always want our help. This is much more true with those that we are close to, our friends and family, especially our family, spouses or significant others, or our children.
So, what do we do? What do we do when that happens?
The best thing I think that we can do is to be a good role model. To go out and be the person we want them to be. If we want them to get more perspective on their life, to take a different viewpoint, to maybe go from being negative about a job situation to positive, about the opportunities or feeling upset about some feedback they got to seeing the benefit of that feedback, the best thing we can do is to model that. Come to them and maybe say, “I got this feedback today, and it really didn’t make me feel good, but I’ve been thinking about it. I really see how I could implement something different if I behaved differently, think differently, put in a new process that would help me move forward from here in a better way. So I see that that feedback was really quite constructive.”
Somebody who’s stuck needs you to talk about what’s working for you, not what they should do. It’s really hard. Believe me, I know. I want to get in there and fix it and I want to tell them what to do, shake them and say, “Do it! Do it! Do it!” But that doesn’t work.
If you know somebody is not healthy, they’re not eating well, they’re overweight, they don’t exercise. It’s better to model to them good eating habits, to say, “I am not going to eat anything that isn’t organic anymore. You can eat what you want, but this is what I’m eating and if you want to join me in that, great.” Or to say, “You know what? I’ve been working out four times a week and I feel really good. I’m not tired anymore in the afternoons and it feels really good.”
When you do that, they’re more inclined to say, “That might be something I want to do. I kind of like to feel better and maybe working out and eating better would serve me.”
So one solution is to role model. You can even role model the mindset of questioning and looking for answers and trying to understand. Just share with them, “I had this issue come up this week, and I’ve been asking myself these questions and these were the answers I came up with. I really feel like I’m going to be able to move through this, because I’ve been really just doing that inner work.”
Number #2 is to ask if you could help. Don’t ever assume that somebody wants your help. Usually they don’t or they don’t even know that they want your help. But if you ask them, “Can I be of service to you? Can I help you in some way?” they’ll respond. They may say no. What you can respond with then is to say, “Well, if you change your mind, I’m here. I’m here just to listen if you just want someone to listen. I won’t respond. I’ll just be here, and I’ll listen. Or if you do want someone to give you some feedback, great. Or maybe you just want somebody to go for a walk with you, or to the movies, or to share some ice cream, whatever it is.” Just offer. Offer and see what comes back.
Finally, if you’ve got a family member, or a friend, or a loved one who is really stuck, and doesn’t want your help, and doesn’t see the role modeling, the only thing you can do is release them to their own process.
This is really hard for us parents to do with our kids. Sometimes our kids are involved in behaviors that are not good for them and don’t serve them and could even be dangerous. We have to let go, we have to realize it’s their journey. It is not our journey. They did not come into this world for us to fix them, to make sure they stay safe their whole life or to tell them what they should or shouldn’t do. When they’re little, yes, of course. But once they reach high school, and college, and beyond, it is no longer our job to do that unless they ask for it.
We cannot save them, we cannot protect them and the best thing we can do for everyone is to release and say, “This is my child’s experience. It is their journey. It is my friend or my loved one’s journey. It is their life, and I can only let them have it, let them have their experience of it. The best I can do for me is to let go. Let go, stop focusing on it, stop trying to fix, stop worrying all of that.”
You want to know what? It changes the energy between you and that person and they’re more likely to make those changes than if you’re hounding them and focused on it, and thinking about it all the time, and they get that. They get that you’re worried, and that you’re concerned, and that you want them to change. You really need to just drop it at that point.
And sometimes dropping it and letting that energy go, letting that focus go really on with any of the stuffs I said will be helpful because you don’t come into it with the energy. When you ask if you could help in any way, if you have released them to their journey, to their path, your request will be received in a different way.
That is what I wanted to share with you today. I want to just inspire you to think about that, to think about how you are going to deal with your loved ones and friends who are stuck in some way.
I am Nina Amir, the Inspiration to Creation Coach. I am a Certified High Performance Coach, and an Author Coach, and I spend my days inspiring people to create the things they want in their life whether that’s high performance, a book, a blog, a business around a website, a fully-lived life, better relationships – whatever it is, that’s what I do. If I can help you in any way to combine your purpose with your passion so you get inspired to take action and actually achieved inspired results because of that, I would be honored. You can find me at NinaAmir.com, and thank you for listening today. Until next time, go out there and achieve more inspired results.
Download my free book, How to Create and Achieve Your Goals and enjoy that.