Do you ever catch yourself saying, “I’m so stupid. That was really dumb. Why did I do that?” Or do you say to yourself, “I always mess up. I always get it wrong. I just can’t do it right.” Or do you hear yourself saying, “I always get rejected by agents, editors, and the people I love. There is something wrong with me. I’m not lovable, I’m not good enough.”
Do you say any of these things to yourself? Most of us do, but it’s not what we should be saying if we want to feel confident, lovable, smart, and capable.
Speak nicely to yourself. If this is not your current habit, it’s time to change how you speak to yourself.
Negative affirmations, which is basically what negative statements are, do not improve your self-confidence or your sense of self worth. They do not help you to go out and achieve inspired results because these unkind words put you down and make you feel horrible about yourself.
Here are 5 techniques to help you begin to correct the negative self-talk habit and speak to yourself more lovingly.
1. Become Conscious of Your Inner Dialogue
First, become conscious of when you’re not speaking nicely to yourself. You have to consciously listen to your thoughts. If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, listen to how you are speaking to yourself in that moment.
This takes work. But it is worth it!
2. Add a Qualifier to Your Negative Statements
When you say, “I’m so dumb…” add a qualifier on the end, like “…until recently.” Those two words can changes the feeling and intent around what you said immediately and easily. For example, if you say “I always mess up…until recently…” you affirm that you are changing.
Try to catch yourself in the act of negative self talk. Become conscious of your thoughts and change them into more positive ones.
Remember, what we say has enormous energetic power, and you aren’t just thinking these negative things. You are saying them to yourself, even if not aloud.
Whether you say these negative things aloud or in your brain, doesn’t matter. Every time you hear yourself doing so, add, “…until recently” to the end and change the words from negative to positive because “until recently” says you’re not doing it anymore. Recently, you changed. You want to change. Right?
You also can say “…yet.” For example, I haven’t landed that book deal…yet.” See the difference?
3. Practice Speaking Nicely to Yourself
Go in to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes, and say nice things to yourself. It’s going to feel pretty silly at first, but do it anyway.
You might say, “Hey, you’re looking good today.” Or “I love you.” Or “You’re awesome.” Here are some other positive things to say to yourself:
- “You’ve got this.”
- “This is your time.”
- “Wow! You are great.”
- “You’re amazing.”
- “You’re Unique.”
- “You’re strong”
- You can do this.”
- “You’re amazing.”
- You look great. You do.”
- “You can do this.”
- “It’s your time. Go for it.”
Encourage yourself. Acknowledge yourself. Even if you don’t believe the words right this minute, do it anyway. Eventually you will behave in the manner you’ve described because you’re talking to yourself differently. You’re going to see yourself in a new way and feel differently about yourself if you encourage yourself with positive self-talk.
4. Celebrate You!
Celebrate yourself. You are worth celebrating.
Make a list of all the good things you’ve done recently and your good qualities. Then acknowledge these things one by one. By acknowledging, I mean do something to celebrate you.
Take yourself to dinner, go to the movies, buy yourself a new book, or go out with a friend. Find a way to celebrate yourself.
5. Love Yourself More
The three strategies above will help you begin to love yourself more. Negative self talk is about lack of self love. You want to learn to love yourself.
Spend a lot of time being good to you and telling yourself you love and appreciate you.
Work at self love. After awhile loving yourself more will get a little easier, and then it will get a lot easier.
And speak nicely…loving…to yourself. You will feel so much better about yourself when you’re not telling yourself you’re dumb, and you get it wrong, and you’re unlovable, and unworthy, and not good enough. You will feel so much better when you stop doing that and, instead, tell yourself, “I am beautiful. I am smart. I am worthy. I’m lovable. I always get it right, and when I get it wrong I’m still okay and lovable. Plus, I turn it around and I make it right.” You’re going to love yourself more and other people are going to love you more, too.
I challenge you to to love yourself more. Don’t just try, do it. Love yourself more. And watch the amazing inspired you will create from this one act.
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Don’t wait! It’s your time…now…to level up so you can achieve your potential, fulfill your purpose and live your life fully.