This past weekend I brought out a wedding album. I wanted to show my stepson’s fiance the dress I wore when I got married. What struck me about the photos in the album was how much…or how little…some people had changed over the last 26 years–including me.
Outer appearances can be deceiving. We think they simply show us something about the passage of time. Yes, we gain some wrinkles and maybe some weight as we get older. We might change hair color or even lose our hair. However, sometimes drastic changes in appearance belie larger internal changes in physical or in psychological condition.
Do I Look Different?
I’ve gone back numerous times now to look at those pictures. I’ve studied photos of myself and of others who attended the wedding.
People often tell me I look the same as I did in high school. Of course, I’ve changed. And I’m a quarter of a decade older now than when those wedding photos were taken.
Amazingly, though, they are right; I don’t look that much different now! Yes, I’m a bit heavier and flabbier. Yes, I have a more wrinkles and even a few grey hairs. But basically, I look the same.
Have I Changed?
Inside, I’m not the same exact person, though. Life has a way of changing you.
I’m not as carefree. I’m not as naive. I’m not as easily influenced. I respond and react differently. Some of my beliefs and thoughts have changed, which means I feel differently about things as well.
Over the years, I’ve placed my focus in new areas. I’ve stopped pursuing some hobbies. I’ve changed some habits and added new ones. I’ve altered some attitudes. I’d even admit that I’ve even settled in some significant ways and areas of my life.
Yet, I’ve grown, matured, achieved goals, taken on new roles.
In general, though, I’m the same person. I still have the same interests. I still enjoy most of the same things. My passions and purpose have stayed the same and continue to inspire me. I still feel like me….most of the time…with a slight twist.
But I can see where I allowed some experiences and situations to take a little bit of “me” away. You’d never know it by looking at those photos, but when I look at them, I can feel it. I sense what has been left behind or stuffed down deep within.
The Opportunity to Reclaim Myself
I’ve also looked at photos of myself taken when I was quite young. The photos taken before my Dad died have a different feel than those after he died. (He had a heart attack when I was seven.) If you look in my eyes, it appears I’d lost some innocence and some happiness after that time. I’ve studied those taken of me in middle school and high school, and even in college. In each picture you can see “me”—growing, changing, becoming more and less of myself. (Actually, it’s all me, just transformed in some way.) Later, after marriage, having stepchildren and biological children, I changed as well. And I changed when I began publishing books. Everything changes me, and you, to some extent—positively and negatively.
At our core, we are the same, though. Inside, our soul, remains the same.
I have discovered that taking time to look at photos of myself provides a wonderful introspective exercise. It allows me to ask myself if I’ve left behind, lost or changed some important aspect of myself over time. I see this as an opportunity to reclaim those little pieces of me. I can consciously add them back into my life, into who I am now and who I am becoming.
Image by iko
