This summer my son suffered from an undiagnosed illness. For six weeks I had to juggle not only my work, which required meeting a variety of deadlines, but his needs and the other household duties I have, such as paying bills, cooking, etc. When my daughter was home, I also had to try not to neglect her and to address her needs. And I had to try to support my husband, when possible, who was trying to help while also dealing with enormous stress from his job adn the need to work very long hours.
As my son’s illness, including two hospital stays, came to an end, and we finally received a diagnosis – after the fact, I turned my attention to keeping him healthy enough to pursue a goal that would affect the coming 12 months. He needed to make it through a full week of dancing. By completing this dance intensive and an audition at the end of the week, he would set the course for his whole year of dance. And he had to do this after being sick for six weeks and not dancing for eight weeks. I also turned my attention to getting my daughter to art lessons and myself to a writer’s conference.
All this to say, in the midst of this I realized there are many ways to live your life fully. During this six- or eight-week period in my life, I couldn’t exercise, visit with friends, have new experiences, or try exercises that would allow me to live my life fully in a variety of ways. I could only be in the moment as fully as possible. I could handle a deadline that loomed over me. I could be present in a hospital room or at a doctor’s appointment or with my feverish child. I could put aside my stress over work to talk with my son while driving to yet one more visit to the lab to draw blood. I could handle paperwork and bills at 1 a.m., because this was the only time to do so. I could put aside my own stress and fear about the future and talk to my son about his current upset over missing camp, not being able to stand, feeling his illness was unfair, and generally being stressed about being sick and wanting to be healthy so he could have a normal life and pursue his dreams.
Living fully meant being totally present for my son and for myself during his illness. It meant putting other things on the back burner – including the next assignment for the Living Fully Challenge I run and author each month. It meant prioritizing, and realizing that nothing was more important than being in the moment – each moment – with my family. I meant reminding myself that now – this moment – is all that really matters, and the rest can wait. It meant putting aside my fears about the future, my anger about what had happened, my mullings over the causes or reasons. It meant making choices now, now, and, again, now. And choosing now, not then – whether then meant a time to come or a time that had passed.
Know that when you can’t do it all, when you can’t live fully in the way you think you should or desire, you can live fully simply by being in the now. Knowing I can do this – and continue to do this – brings great peace into my life. I hope sharing this with you will help you find that same peace.
