Yesterday was Christmas Day, but at our home, it felt a lot like Shabbat. Actually, it felt more like Shabbat than most Saturdays.
I really hate to admit that fact, but truth be told, most Jewish holidays, Chanukah included, fall during secular work days or at times when secular activities occur. For example, on Friday afternoons, my daughter’s swim practices don’t end until 7 p.m. This precludes our family from lighting Shabbat candles together at sundown or making it to services on Friday night. On Saturday mornings, my son has dance rehearsal and class, and sometimes my daughter has swim meets, which means that more often than not we can’t make it to Shabbat services. We used to make it to either Friday night or Saturday services most weeks, but as our children got older and busier, it’s become harder and harder to do so. We do have Shabbat dinner together and light candles at whatever time we manage to do so, but Shabbat tends to feel rushed and fit into normal secular activities. And Saturday – the actual Sabbath – rarely consists of activities that don’t traditionally constitute “work.” My husband and I drive our children here and there. We handle all sorts of things, such as errands. And we generally feel as if we’ve spent the day rushing around. Shabbat doesn’t feel peaceful, filled with study or prayer (at least not traditional prayer in a synagogue or with a minyan), or lacking in work-related activities. It definitely isn’t a relaxing day.
But on Christmas, the secular world – which happens to actually be primarily Christian – comes to a halt. Everything closes down and stops. There is nothing to do. There is no where to go. Even Jews can heave a sigh of relief, slow down, and stop.
For this reason, yesterday – Christmas Day – I was able to spend all day sitting in a chair in my living room by the fire reading a Jewish book. I did cook dinner and help my son with his studying (he has midterms in a week and half) and watch a movie, but I mostly stayed in that chair all day. Even the cat took up residence there with me.
I felt more relaxed and at peace then I’ve felt in a long time. Unfortunately, I had to have a Christian holiday shut down the secular world in order to have that experience. A sad fact.
I know, if I was an observant or an Orthodox Jew, I would find that same experience each Shabbat, because my world, my life, would shut down no matter what the rest of the world was doing. I’m not an observant or Orthodox Jew, though. And because I don’t want my children to have to give up the things they love to observe their religion – because I don’t want them to hate and resent being Jewish – I must deal with the fact that only on a few days – like Christmas – might I find this peace and relaxation. But it’s not Shabbat.
I have to find Shabbat on Shabbat in other ways. And I try…and sometimes I do…with a personal prayer, an attempt at hitbodedut while waiting for my son, or an act of tzedakkah while going to pick up my daughter, or reading the Torah portion when I finally get home. Or sometimes its just by making sure the whole family is together to light candles and have dinner together on Friday night. And sometimes I actually do get to go to services!
As I watch my children, I know I’ve made the right choices for them. I see that the Jewish experiences they’ve had have helped them develop strong Jewish identities that they express all the time. They attended services on a fairly regular basis for many, many years. They each had a b’nei mitzvah event, which they led from start to finish. They celebrate most Jewish holidays at home if not at synagogue. They also attended Jewish camp for many years. (My son will attend for his last year this summer.) This year my daughter’s swim team marched in the town Christmas parade. Their float was “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.” All the other swimmers where well known “Whos,” like “Cindy Lou Who,” but my daughter named herself “Jew Who.” My son has chosen Jewish children as his best friends at school. It’s the first time he’s ever been in a school with any other Jewish students, and those are the ones to which he gravitated.
I love my kids. I’m happy to sacrifice for them – even Shabbat observance. That said, I’ll be happy when they either can drive themselves to their activities or are in college and I can go back to observing Shabbat. Until then, I’ll take that peace and relaxation where I can get it. Christmas may exactly have afford me Shabbat shalom(Sabbat peace), but it still felt awfully good.
