Why You Attract What You Don’t Want

To create what you want, you have to have clarity. Yet, the clearer you become about what you want, the more the opposite seems to show up. It’s essential to understand why that happens, so you don’t get frustrated.

Knowing what you want provides the foundation for creating your desires. Without clarity about your desire, the Universe won’t know what to give you. When you know what you want, though, “All the universe conspires to help you achieve it,” as Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist.

However, the more clarity you have about your desires, the more contrast you experience between what you have and want. The contrast helps you become even clearer about what you want. You look at what is showing up and decided, “Nope. Don’t want that,” or “Yep. Want that!”

Your increased clarity makes you a more powerful creator. You can give the Universe (or God, Creator, Source) clear messages more consistently. Until you reach that point, you will send confusing and inconsistent messages that get mixed results.

The LOA Works

When you think you are clearly asking for what you want, it’s frustrating to get something unwanted instead. That’s when many people decide the Law of Attraction doesn’t work. Also called conscious or deliberate creation, the Law of Attraction (LOA) does work.

Honestly, I have not always gotten the results I wanted when I practice the LOA. However, I’ve also seen it work…and work well.

You have to approach conscious creation with consistency and clarity. As said in Alcoholics Anonymous, “It works if you work it.” The Law of Attraction is not magical. But, if you apply yourself diligently, you will get results.

I have created a new computer, $1,000 to pay a bill, and a book publishing deal. Each one of these manifestations showed up quickly.

I’ve also had times when I used the deliberate creation steps, and nothing showed happened—or I only got what I didn’t want. The clearer I became, the more often I had to choose out of the unwanted things showing up. Then, I’d create my desire.

LOA Basics

If you aren’t familiar with the LOA, let me share the steps to the manifestation process. Note that many people describe them differently, and my description might have a unique twist as well.

To practice the Law of Attraction:

1. Know what you want with total clarity.
2. Understand why you need what you want and how having it will help you be of service to others.
3. Visualize the process of gaining and then having what you want while feeling the gratitude and other positive emotions generated by possessing it.
4. Believe that what you want is going to manifest; get to the point where you are sure that what you want will come into your life at the perfect time and in the perfect way for the highest good of all concerned.
5. Take action to help bring what you want into your reality, including acting “as if” you already have what you desire.

So, if you are taking these steps, why are you still getting what you don’t want? Here are a few reasons.

1. You are sending mixed messages.

One of the most common reasons you don’t get what you want is that you actually aren’t clear about your desire. You think and say things that put mixed messages into the Universe.

The Universe wants to give you your desires. But too often it thinks you want something different. And then you get what you don’t want.

We send out lots of “rockets of desire,” as Abraham Hicks likes to say, but most of them have little to do with what we want. For example, you might say, “I’m sick and tired of that,” but you don’t really want to be sick and tired. You talking about wanting more wealth but see someone wealthy and exclaim, “I never want to be like that jerk!”

What you want and what you think or believe are often in opposition. Thee things contradict each other. For example, you might want more money but believe money is the source of all evil. Or you want a committed relationship but not want to give up your independence.

The Universe takes your thoughts and words literally. So if you aren’t getting what you want, examine what you think and say. Ensure that your thoughts and words align with your desire.

2. You are focused on what you don’t want.

If you are focused on what you don’t want more often than you are focused on what you do want, you will create more of the former. And most people spend much more time with their thoughts on what they don’t want. Therefore, it’s no wonder that they create unwanted things even when they think they are clear about their desires.

Even though awareness of what you don’t want gives you clarity, you don’t want to spend a lot of time looking at, thinking about, or visualizing what you don’t want. Turn your attention to your desire.

When I lie down in bed at night, I often find myself visualizing scenarios I want to avoid. When I become aware that I’m doing so, I deliberately imagine what I want. You need to do this all day long…

Also, keep in mind that when you put energy into pushing away what you don’t want, you actually focus on the unwanted thing. Don’t try to get rid of what’s unwanted; instead, try to attract what is wanted.

3. You are creating based on your past focus.

You’ve been thinking and saying the same things for years. You’ve focused on what you didn’t want. And you sent all those emotionally charged messages out to the Universe over and over again.

Now, you are focusing on what you want, but the Universe is still sorting through our past requests. Thus, it’s no wonder that negative creations are raining down on you now like cosmic hailstones. Your current creations are the results of your past focus.

Eventually, these hailstones will taper off, and the storm of unwanted stuff will stop. But you have to be patient and wait it out.

You can make the hailstorm stop more quickly by continuing to gain clarity and focus on what you want. Also, use this time to heal your old hurts, negative thoughts, and ways of being in the world that don’t align with what you want.

As you do, shovel the unwanted hailstones into a pile, but don’t watch them melt. Instead, continue doing the work, and, before too long, you have a new hailstorm raining down what you want.

4. You still need to heal.

As you get clearer about what you want and remove the conscious and subconscious thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that send mixed messages, more of what you want will show up. In the meantime, though, the process will continue to show you things unlike what you want.

To understand why, consider the words of Marianne Williamson: “Love brings up everything unlike itself” for the purpose of healing. Recognize that anything unwanted that shows up in your life presents an opportunity to heal old emotional hurts, unsupportive beliefs, and limited ways of thinking and being.

For instance, if you want more money, but receive a bill for $1000, this is a chance to heal your money issues. Find ways to acknowledge and feel grateful for the prosperity you enjoy, for instance. Or journal about how and why your scarcity beliefs show up and how to switch them to abundant ones. If you want an intimate partner but most of the people you date seem like jerks, spend time making a list of the qualities you want in a partner. Journal about why you believe you don’t—and do—deserve someone amazing.

5. You doubt that LOA works.

Keep this in mind: If you doubt that you can attract what you want, you are, again, sending mixed messages to the Universe. You are saying, “I want to experience myself as a conscious creator and see the LOA working in my life. But, if I’m honest, I don’t think I can create anything or that the Universe will bring me what I want. LOA is probably just a lot of bunk.”

Your doubt overrides your desire. You have to trust that the LOA works. And you must consistently think and act as if the Universe has already delivered what you want. Show up now—not later—as the person who has what you desire.

Seize the Opportunity

I know it can feel challenging, but bless the unwanted things that show up in your life—even the ones opposite of what you want. Be grateful for them, too. Each provides you with an opportunity to become clearer about what you want, examine and release the thoughts and beliefs that block you from receiving, and heal the parts of yourself that prevent you from being a powerful creator.

Do that, and you will begin to get more of what you want and less of what you don’t.

Have you moved past the create-what-you-don’t want phase? How’d you do it? Tell me in a comment below. And please share this post with a friend whose life currently isn’t soul-nourishing.

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Photo courtesy of Mykola Kravchenko.