It’s a well-known fact that relationships have a positive affect on the fabric of our lives. People need people. The Internet Age, however, has left some people connecting primarily via text, email, direct messages and status updates. That’s simply not the same as meeting face to face or even having a long telephone conversation.
When I was in my 30s, I had several very close friends who shared similar interests. Plus, I had a spiritual support group that consisted of 13 women, including a few of those friends, that met weekly. I didn’t realize at the time how blessed I was to be surrounded by like-minded women…until I moved away. I never again found friends quite like that.
The next place I lived, I made a few close friends. We shared interests as well, but it wasn’t quite the same. We hadn’t been through as much together, and the interests were not ones that caused us to grow together in the same manner.
Then I moved again. My life became quite busy due to my children’s and my own schedule. Plus, I lived far from any of the people I met whom I thought I could become close. Since then, I’ve relied solely on one or two long-distance friendships, which is not the same as having a friend to meet with in person.
Find Like-Minded Friends
Just this past weekend I attended a seminar. Many of the people there shared similar interests with me—at least on one or two levels. I attended that event with several intentions, one of which was to create a support system, even if it consisted of just one or two people. The other was to find a friend.
Imagine my delight when I connected with a woman who lived just a few miles away from me! We spoke several times and planned a dinner for one evening after the seminar.
It was so nice to sit across the table from someone and connect on a deep level. And it was so nice to start that relationship…to become friends. (I hope we will continue that new friendship.)
Go on a Journey with Friends
The adage says: You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Indeed, you can—and you should. Your friends become your family. Why not choose friends that support you emotionally, intellectually and professionally? Connect with people who share your interests and who understand what you are going through and who want to journey with you.
To me, that’s really the key. They don’t want to stay in the same place with you. They want to join forces with you and move forward. They want to help you become the person you believe you can become. And when you lose that vision, they help you find it (and you do the same for them). This is a friendship created out of a mutual desire to learn and grow.
Being “well connected” can mean you know the right people, as in people who can help you advance your career. To me, being well connected means associating with the type of people who help me realize my potential.
Will You Become the “Average”?
Studies show that you become the average of the people with whom you associate. If you spend all your time with people who are content to survive, or to not reach their goals, eventually you will become just like them. If you want to become a high performer, a more spiritual person, a more giving person, or anything else, you need to connect with those types of people and spend lots of time with them. Surround yourself with the people whose characteristics and habits are those you would like to adopt or learn.
I’ve often heard this advice: Associate up. That means that you want to spend time with people you aspire to be like. This is not about “using” these people. It’s about truly wanting to get to know them…to become colleagues or friends. In the process, you become more like them.
I’m suggesting you connect with people who might be in the same place as you, or a step or two ahead, but who have the similar aspirations and interests (not that associating up is a bad thing). Create mutually beneficial relationships—friendships based on a desire to support each other, to learn together and to advance toward individual and shared dreams.
When you can say you have such friends, you are truly well connected.
Are you well connected? How have you formed these relationships?
Photo Copyright: edhar / 123RF Stock Photo
Nina, what a great post. I used to have a close cadre of “in real life” friends, then moves (theirs, not mine) changed everything. It’s hard to “start over,” but I am determined to find at least a couple of new friends with similar interests. Is there such a thing as a “dating service” to find new friends?!