I talk a lot about identity—who you are “being” or choose to “be”—with my clients. It doesn’t matter what challenges they want to overcome or what goals they’d like to achieve; I encourage them to become someone who can do or have what they desire. I push them to become the person they were meant to be.
If you choose to be the person you know you can and want to be—the person you really are, you, too, can realize even your wildest dreams. The key lies in who you are being—your identity.
Losing Your “Self”
But here’s the rub. I also know we are here this lifetime to be ourselves—fully. At birth, we enter the physical body as pure souls and, at that moment, possess our full human potential. That’s who we want to be. That’s the identity we want to choose and express.
However, as we grow older, we become conditioned not to express our authentic selves. We are influenced by external forces, like teachers, parents, religious leaders, bullies, bosses, intimate partners, and friends. As a result, we lose our sense of self and unlimited potential as we suppress our true nature under layers of who we are told we “should be” or are “supposed to be.” We choose to diminish the expression of our essence. We cover up who we are under layers of new identities and ways of being that are unnatural to us. Still, they seem to ensure we will be loved and accepted.
Despite this conditioning, our souls and spirits remain within us, but they are hidden well. And we continue to find ways of being to keep them hidden so we can survive…even thrive.
In fact, we cannot thrive as long as we are not being our true selves.
As teenagers, young adults, or even in middle age or older, we might say, “Somewhere along the way, I lost myself.” At that point, we awaken to what has happened and realize we are unhappy with who we are and what that way of being has created.
Some people then begin a journey to “find themselves,” but they aren’t lost. They are just covered under all those layers of acceptable identity.
Therefore, finding yourself is the process of uncovering yourself, stripping off all the layers, like those of an onion, until you get to your essence. But, first, you must shed the layers of who you are not to be who you are.
I think author Paulo Coelho explained this process best. He said, “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
Indeed, your soul that chose to be here in this lifetime and in your body and circumstances knows it has unlimited potential. It knows that it can create all that it desires. And it knows that it can fulfill its purpose—whatever that is.
Yet, it can only do so if you un-become who you are now and re-become who you were at birth.
Life is About Un-becoming
Even as I tell my client, “Choose to be someone who can do and have what you desire,” I echo Coelho’s words. I’m not suggesting that they be someone different than they are—even though they perceive any new identity as different. Instead, I’m telling them to forget who they think they are now—the conditioned self they have become—and step into being their unlimited self again—whoever that is.
They may call this self a writer, parent, CEO, or entrepreneur. But the name they give this identity—the person they want to be—is someone closer to their authentic self. It’s someone who can be, do, or have what they desire because it is unlimited. It is an identity based on their human potential and who they were born to be.
So, I’m actually telling my Certified High Performance Coaching or transformational coaching clients or members of the Inspired Creator Community to un-become what isn’t really them. Instead, I am asking them to be who they are meant to be.
Your Visions, Goals, and Dreams Express Your Potential
Your visions, goals, and dreams are expressions of your potential. They show you who you are meant to be and what you can achieve.
Your conditioned self says, “I can’t be that. I’m not good enough to become that, do that, or have that.” But that’s simply not true.
Those visions, goals, and dreams are messages from your soul about who you are meant to be. You wouldn’t have those visions, goals, and dreams if you couldn’t realize them.
In fact, you came here to be that person and do and have those things. That is your purpose…to be the expression of your true self and express that identity.
Why You Are Unhappy, Dissatisfied, and Frustrated
When you don’t express your true self and fulfill your potential, you become unhappy, frustrated, and dissatisfied.
You aren’t expressing yourself or fulfilling your potential. You aren’t following the urgings of your soul.
When you fall into a negative emotional state, realize that your soul is calling to you. It is asking to be fed, telling you it is starving.
How do you feed your soul? You express authentically. You be you.
And you do the things your soul tells you to do. You may think you haven’t heard your soul, but you have; you just ignored the messages. Your soul speaks to you via intuition, dreams, visions, and desires.
Remember? You had a desire for fulfilling work that excites you, a dream about owning a home by the beach, and a goal to write a book that makes a difference in readers’ lives. That’s your soul telling you what is possible for you and why you are here.
Express Your True Identity
Be the person who can do those things…can have those things. Be the person you are meant to be. Be you. With that identity, you will feel happy, satisfied, and fulfilled.
But for that to happen, you must peel back the layers of your un-self and un-become that person. Choose your true identity. Then, decide to be yourself—your true essence—and express your soul.
David Bowie said, “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” However, I’d remove the “should” and say it’s the process of becoming who you are. But you don’t have to wait until you are old to be that person or express that identity. You can decide right now to strip away the layers and be you.
Are you being you? Tell me about your results in a comment below. And please share this post with a friend or on social media.
If you want to increase your ability to be who you are meant to be—to step into your true identity, let’s chat. Get on my calendar here. Or join the Inspired Creator Community for group transformational and Certified High Performance coaching every month.
Photo copyright Laura Garcia