Have you ever felt like your hands are tied, and you can’t reach for your dreams…or anything else? If you have, you may realize that the restrictive feeling you experienced comes from lack and fear, both of which stem from your thought processes.
Let’s say you believe you lack money. This belief brings up fearful thoughts, such as “I can’t pay my rent.” And that thought leads to another, like, “If I don’t pay my rent, I’ll be evicted. If I’m evicted, I’ll have to live on the street.”
Your mind doesn’t focus on potential options—such as finding another job, borrowing money, or finding a less expensive rental. Instead, it deems those options impossible. As a result, you believe you have no viable choices—you think your hands are tied.
When that happens, you become a victim of your circumstances. You give all your power to your situation and believe you have no way to do anything different. After all, your hands are tied, right?
Then, you blame your circumstances or someone or something else. You don’t see the situation as your fault. Something outside you has put that rope around your wrists.
How do you untie your hands? Take back your power and exercise your freedom to change your thoughts and emotions. Then, you’ll feel the rope loosen and drop off your wrists.
Feeling Tied Up by Lack
First, let’s look closely at why lack makes you feel as if your hands are tied.
Most often, when someone talks about lack, they mean not having enough money. But there are other types of lack—lack of choices, lack of strength, lack of will, lack of commitment, and lack of courage, to name a few.
The more you think about how you lack something—and, therefore, can’t do something—the more you go down the rabbit hole of victimhood. You become a victim of your lack.
Your self-talk will sound like this: “I can’t do or be what I want because I don’t have ___.” You believe the circumstance—something outside you—has power over your ability to have what you want or need to move forward.
For instance, you may not have the money to hire a coach. Perhaps you don’t have the time to work on your book project or side hustle. Or possibly you don’t have the resources to find a new place to live.
And, as mentioned, the more focused you are on lack and blame, the more fear rises within you. You think: “What if nothing changes?” “What if I can’t ever ___?” “What horrible result will I create if I do ___?” “What will so-and-so do/think if I don’t/do ___?”
Set Yourself Free
The way to liberate yourself is simple: Realize you always have personal freedom and power. In other words, get out of victimhood.
Maybe your thoughts have you tied in knots, but you can reach for a different thought. Changing your thoughts opens your mind to new options. When you realize you have the power to choose, you can make a new decision—and you do that because you have personal power and freedom.
When you become responsible for yourself, you can decide to take a new action, form a new belief, respond rather than react, or be different in some way. You will then realize your hands were never tied in the first place. You just thought they were.
My Hands Were Tied
I am no stranger to the feeling of having my hands tied due to lack and fear. And I’ve definitely allowed myself to be a victim of circumstance.
This became clear to me last week. I perpetuated a belief that I don’t have the money to hire the best person for the job. So, I hire based on who I can afford. There might be other people I could hire, but I don’t explore those options. I tell myself there is no one else or this is my only option.
That’s just not true. With this mindset, I hired someone to work in my house. I didn’t know who else to hire. I knew he needed work, so I agreed to have him do it (despite having a bad feeling about it and feeling pressured into the decision). I believed he would charge me a reasonable amount for the work, and money was a concern.
Truthfully, he charged a lot, was constantly late, and rushed out on the last day, leaving me with a mess and less-than-perfect work. Worse yet, I felt I was at his mercy and had to appease him to ensure he completed the job.
Have you ever felt that way? It’s not pleasant.
This experience got me thinking about other areas where I have hired people, like in my business. I identified at least three times I’ve hired based on affordability, not gotten the best services or products, and ended up feeling like I didn’t have the power or freedom to ask for what I needed and get it on time and well done.
In these situations, I have believed my hands were tied, too.
Three Steps to Un-tying Your Hands
With this all weighing on my mind, I reached out to the coaches in a program I attend. I received feedback and clearly saw that I was stuck in lack, fear, and victimhood.
Then, I began to make some changes. I want to share those with you because they worked for me. That means they are likely to work for you, too.
First, take responsibility.
I took responsibility for my part in the contractor fiasco. I realized I had a role in the situation; therefore, I should look at what led me to be in it. Plus, I knew I was the common denominator since I could see the same pattern in my professional life. I was creating these circumstances repeatedly from my habitual focus on lack and fear and feeling powerless and constrained.
I let go of my attachment to being right about the work the contractor provided and trying to make him feel wrong about the money he took for a job poorly done. (Yes…I sent some angry texts; I admit it.) I stopped blaming him.
In fact, I was angry, frustrated, and disappointed in myself for hiring him in the first place. I made the decision, so I had to accept responsibility for that while not getting stuck in blaming myself.
Lesson learned. I won’t hire with my hands tied ever again. And when I feel like hiring a specific person is my only option for whatever reason, I will remember that is only the case if I believe it. Then I’ll look for other options.
You can’t be a victim if you take responsibility. Do that, and you stand firmly in your power and freedom.
Second, uncover new options.
Rather than continue feeling as if I had no option but to use this contractor, I contacted neighbors for names of others who could finish the work at my home. I already have two appointments set up. I don’t know what these people will charge for the jobs, but I feel much better knowing I can choose from various options. I also decided never to use the other contractor again. Why would I—unless I thought I had no other choice?
As for my business, I began toying with various ideas that might help me feel less constrained. I even told my main contractors as much. I now have five or six options or choices I can make.
Admittedly, I may not like all the options on my list. However, it’s freeing to know I have them. And the only thing that stops me from deciding on any one of them is fear. But now I am conscious of how lack and fear keep me stuck and lead to victimhood. Thus, I can make different and more courageous choices.
Third, shift your focus.
Actually, every one of these steps involves a shift in focus. The simple action of choosing where to place my attention put me firmly in my power and demonstrated my ability to make free choices.
Instead of focusing on what wasn’t possible—lack of money and affordable help—I put my attention on what is possible. I stopped focusing on my fear of not having enough, not being able to afford good service, not getting what I need, not being able to ask for what I need, the negative ramifications of speaking up, and not finding help. I focused on options instead.
With each of these three steps, I felt the rope around my wrists loosening!
You Can’t Create from Lack, Fear, or Victimhood
I’m always saying, “You are a creator!” But I needed to remember that fact. And I needed a reminder that it’s impossible to create what you want when you believe you have lack, reason to fear, or are a victim.
Life always mirrors what you need to learn. I had to chuckle at what I saw in the mirror because I’m currently coaching on personal freedom in my membership program. This topic always brings up issues of personal power, too.
Obviously, I needed to look in the mirror. Then, I could stop operating with the constraints of lack, fear, and victimhood. It became possible to step into being the powerful creator that I am. And I know I’ll find just the right contractors as a result.
You can use these three strategies to untie your hands. They will help you change your belief that you lack what you need to reach your dreams—or whatever else you desire. And you can use them to stop feeling afraid to take new actions and to feel powerful and free to create whatever you want.
Have you ever made decisions with your hands tied? What was the outcome? Tell me in a comment below. And please share this post with a friend or on social media.
Interested in how to change yourself or your life? Let’s chat. Get on my calendar here. Or join the Inspired Creator Community for group personal and spiritual growth coaching every month.
Photo courtesy of Zelma Brezinska .